n ARE MY FEELINGS NORMAL? WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT THEM? Hearing that your child has cancer can be shocking and overwhelming. At first, you may not believe it or hope that the diagnosis is wrong. However, the changes you see in your child and the experience of being in the hospital and beginning treatment will no doubt confirm the reality of your child’s situation. Many family members feel that they are somehow responsible for the child’s disease, or they feel guilty that they were not able to detect it sooner. Remember that this disease was not caused by anything anyone did to the child, anything the child ate, or anything that happened during pregnancy. It also was not triggered by the child’s participation in sports. In addition to shock and guilt, you and your family probably will feel anger and sadness. Even the youngest family members are likely to be affected. These feelings are normal, and each family member will express them in different ways and at different times. It can be very difficult to feel so many strong emotions all at once. Talking honestly with each other about feelings, reactions, and questions will help everyone in the family. It may seem difficult to talk to friends, family, or even medical staff, but venting your feelings will help you cope with this situation. Your child will benefit if family members continue to show they care through support and communication. n HOW CAN I HELP MY CHILD? As a parent, you will often notice changes or symptoms in your child during that can make you feel even more helpless. It is essential to remember that, in spite of changes on the outside, your child is still the same person on the inside. Hair loss and physical alterations are temporary and often bother adults more than the child or their siblings and friends. All your feelings about what your child is going through during treatment for cancer must be balanced by remembering that treatment provides an opportunity to cure the disease. It is important to reinforce to your child that nothing he or she did or said caused this disease. Telling your child that your angry or sad feelings are directed at the cancer, not at him or her, will help preserve honesty and closeness in your relationship. Like you, your child will need someone with whom to share feelings. Don’t hesitate to ask your child to express his or her feelings, and don’t be afraid to explain what is happening and why. In spite of the disease, your child is still growing and learning. All children, sick and well, need love, attention, discipline, limits, and the opportunity to learn new skills and try new activities. As you begin to learn about your child’s new requirements, remember that he or she still has all the needs and rights of any growing, developing person. Do not avoid using direct terms and explanations with your child. They will tolerate treatment better if they understand it and are allowed to be active decision makers whenever possible.
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