n ARE MY FEELINGS NORMAL? Hearing that your child has cancer is often shocking and over- whelming. Many parents say, “I didn’t remember anything after the words ‘your child has cancer.’ ” Parents often feel numb and have a hard time believing the diagnosis. It is important to know this is normal and expected. Most families have difficulty processing all of the information the healthcare team is providing them in the begin- ning. However, with time, information will be absorbed. Many families feel responsible somehow for their child’s disease.
Feelings of guilt because they could not protect their child from illness or about the amount of time it took to diagnose the child are also common. This disease was not caused by anything that you did or did not do. The cause of childhood cancer is not known. Symptoms are often the same as many childhood illnesses, and it may have taken a while for the diagnosis of non-Hodgkin lymphoma to be made. Feelings of sadness, anger, and helplessness about your child’s diagnosis are also common. These feelings are normal. Each member of your family may express these emotions in different ways and at different times. Talking honestly with each other about these feelings, emotions, and reactions will help everyone in your family. Keep in mind there is no right or wrong way to feel. Each family member needs the chance to express his or her feelings when they are ready and in their own way. Talking to friends, family, and members of the healthcare team can be difficult at times, but expressing your feelings can help you cope. Your child will benefit from family and friends showing their care through communication and support. n HOW CAN I HELP MY CHILD? Children often think that something they did caused their cancer; reinforce that this is not the case. Make sure your child understands that your feelings of anger and sadness are directed at the cancer and not at him or her. This will help you maintain closeness and keep your relationship honest. Your child will need to share his or her feelings with someone trusted. Sometimes, children choose to share feelings with someone other than a parent because they are afraid they might upset the parent. Don’t be afraid to ask your child about his or her feelings—it may be what your child is waiting for. Also, don’t be afraid to share information about what is happening and why with your child. The things children sometimes imagine on their own are often more frightening than what is actually happening. In spite of your child’s disease, keep in mind that he or she is still a child first. All children need love, atten- tion, the opportunity to learn and try new skills, and limits. As your child goes through cancer treatment, keep in mind that he or she still has all the needs of a growing child. Do not avoid talking to your child about therapy; instead, use direct terms and explanations your child will understand. Children tolerate treat- ment better if they understand it and are allowed to help make decisions about their care when appropriate. As a parent, it may be difficult to watch your child undergo cancer therapy. Your child may sometimes seem sicker than before the therapy began. Your feelings about what your child is going through during treatment must be balanced with the knowledge that treatment provides the chance of curing the disease and having your child live a full and meaningful life. Accepting the changes in your child that the non-Hodgkin lymphoma and the treatment may cause is often difficult, but keep in mind that many of them, such as hair loss, are often temporary. Always remember that, despite outward changes, your child is still the same person on the inside.
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