ARE MY FEELINGS NORMAL, AND WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT THEM? Hearing that your child has cancer is shocking and overwhelming. Many parents say, “I didn’t remember anything after the words ‘Your child has cancer.’” Parents often feel numb and have a hard time
believing the diagnosis. It is important to know that this is normal and expected. Most families have difficulty processing all of the information the healthcare team is providing in the beginning. However, over time, the information will be repeated and absorbed. Many families feel somehow responsible for their child’s disease. Feelings of guilt are also common because they could not protect their child from illness or because of the amount of time it took to
diagnose the child. This disease is not caused by anything that you did or did not do. The cause of childhood cancer is not known. It often takes time for the cancer diagnosis to be made because symptoms are often the same as those of many childhood illnesses. Feelings of sadness, anger, and helplessness about your child’s diagnosis also are common. These feelings are normal. Each member of the family may express these emotions in different ways and at different times. Talking honestly with each other about these feelings, emotions, and reactions will help everyone in the family. Keep in mind that there is no right or wrong way to feel. Each member of the family needs the chance to express their feelings when they are ready and in their own way. Talking to friends, family, and members of the healthcare team can be difficult at times—however, sharing your feelings can help you cope. Your child will benefit from family and friends showing their care through communication and support. HOW CAN I HELP MY CHILD? Children often think that something they did caused their cancer. You can help your child by reinforcing that this is not the case. Make sure your child understands that your feelings of anger and sadness are directed at the cancer, not at them. This will help you keep a close relationship with your child. Your child will need to share their feelings with someone that they trust, and they may choose someone other than a parent to avoid upsetting the parent, which is OK. Don’t be afraid to ask your child about their feelings—it may be what your child is waiting for. Keep in mind that your child is still a child first in spite of the disease. As your child goes through treatment, remember that they still have all the needs of a growing child. All children need love, attention, the opportunity to learn and try new skills, and limits. Do not avoid talking to your child about therapy. Use explanations that your child will understand. Children tolerate treatment better if they understand it and are allowed to help make decisions about their care, when appropriate. The things children can imagine on their own are often more frightening than what is actually happening. As a parent you may find it difficult to watch your child go through treatment. Your child may sometimes seem sicker during treatment than before treatment. Your feelings about what your child is going through must be balanced with the knowledge that treatment provides the chance of curing the disease and making it possible for your child to live a full and meaningful life. It’s difficult to accept how cancer and treatment change your child, but most of these changes, like hair loss, are temporary. Despite outward changes, your child is still the same person on the inside. Most healthcare centers have a psychosocial team that can support you and your child through their illness.
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