n ARE MY FEELINGS NORMAL AND WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT THEM? Hearing that your child has cancer is shocking and overwhelming. At first, you may not believe it, or you may hope that the diagnosis is wrong. However, the changes you see in your child and the experience of being in the hospital and beginning treatment will confirm the reality of your child’s situation. Many family members feel that they are somehow responsible for their child’s disease, or they feel guilty that they were not able to detect it sooner. Remember that this disease often does not become notice- able until it is quite advanced, so there may have been no way of detecting it in the early stages. Besides feeling shock and guilt, you and your family will probably feel anger and sadness. Even the youngest family members are likely to be affected. These feelings are normal, and each family member will express these emotions in different ways and at different times. It can be very difficult to feel so many strong emotions all at once. Talking honestly with each other about feelings, reactions, and questions will help everyone in the family. It may seem difficult to talk to friends, family, or even medical staff, but expressing your feelings will help you cope. Your child will benefit if his or her loved ones continue to show their car- ing through support and communication. n HOW CAN I HELP MY CHILD? As a parent, you will often notice various changes in your child during treatment. These changes or symptoms can make you feel even more helpless. The changes are due to both the disease and the treat- ment. It is important to remember that although there may be changes on the outside, your child is still the same person on the inside. Some changes in body appearance, such as hair loss, can be temporary; others, such as having different sized and shaped eye sockets, can be permanent. These changes often bother adults much more than a young child or a child’s siblings or friends. All of your feelings about what your child is going through during treatment must be balanced by remembering that treatment provides an opportunity to cure the disease, preserve as much vision as possible, and have your child go on to live a full, meaningful, and productive life. It is important to reinforce to your child that nothing he or she did or said caused the retinoblastoma. Likewise, telling your child that your anger or sad feelings are directed at the tumor and not at him or her will help keep your special relationship honest and close. Like you, your child will need to share feelings with someone he or she can trust. Do not be afraid to ask your child to express his or her feelings, and do not be afraid to explain what is happening and why. In spite of your child’s disease, he or she is still growing and learning. All children, sick and well, need love, attention, discipline, limits, and the opportunity to try new skills and activities. As you begin to learn the new, special needs of your child, it is important to remember that he or she still has all the needs and rights of any growing, developing person. Do not avoid using direct terms and explanations with your child. Children will tolerate treatment better if they understand it and are allowed to be active decision-makers whenever possible—the same is true for parents!
10
Powered by FlippingBook